I am SO a la commode

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OMG, OMG–Look what I just won on ebay!

Yes, I know. Isn’t it a gorgeous piece? (I’ve always hated when people refer to an antique as a “piece”–usually they describe something as “an interesting piece”–but I’m going to start using that term for my new piece. Of furniture.) I’m guessing it’s mid-19th century, and looks a little battered up, but I can’t believe I am the proud owner of this “Old Oak Antique Potty Chair Chamber Pot Commode With Drawer.” I’ve been eyeing these sorts of chairs for months–actually, years–on ebay but they’re usually very expensive (and sellers show them with potted flowers in the chamber pot–why would a bidder bid on such a thing and then try to pretend it’s a plant stand? Or is my judgment clouded by my abiding passion for all things toilet?). It was only 65 bucks, too (and 14 dollars shipping–a bargain). Anyway I was going to blog about phosphorous today, and how it was first derived from boiled urine, but you’ll just have to wait to read that until Friday.

What do you think that drawer was used for? Maybe when I receive it I’ll understand it better.

I have to go rearrange the living room to make room for my new piece. Friends who live near by, you are welcome to come over to see it when it arrives! Meanwhile, here’s another angle:

Precariously We Roll Along

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Belgian musician Joseph Merlin invented the first roller skates, in 1760. He rolled into a masked ball, playing his violin, but was unable to stop and crashed into a mirror, seriously injuring himself.

Should We Ask for Directions, Cap’n?

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The map used by Columbus in 1492, which led him to believe he had found the Indies, had been created by the Greek geographer Ptolemy in AD 150. It was inaccurate.

Warm-up

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Before warming pans came into use (during the 15th century), it was a servant’s job to climb under the covers to warm up his master’s bed.

Fork it Over

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Forks were not widely used in mid-16th century Europe. Most people ate with their fingers or speared their meat with a knife. It wasn’t until around 1600 that a traveller presented Elizabeth I with a two-pronged fork. She was so delighted with it she had replicas made in gold, coral, and crystal.

Clam Up

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wikimedia commons

In the course of researching my history-of-crazy-fashions book (as yet unsold), I came across some harrowing stories about the perils people have faced as they mined gold, silver, and precious gems. Pearl divers also faced dreadful dangers, but after a fair amount of digging, I’ve come to the conclusion that the stories about deep-sea divers who got their arms or legs or heads trapped in the jaws of Giant Clams are universally exaggerated. At least, no account of a human death-by-clam has ever been confirmed.

Still, I remember as a kid hearing tales of these divers, who were forced to make that ghastly decision: do I drown down here in the murky depths, with my leg clamped by this giant mollusk, or do I pull out the handy dagger that I brought along for just such an occasion, and cut off my own leg in order to free myself?

English: Tridacna gigas (Giant clam) in Aquarium Finisterrae (House of the Fishes), in Corunna, Galicia, Spain.

I was prompted to revisit this dilemma after I finally saw the movie 127 Hours. In the climactic scene of the movie, James Franco (playing the role of the real-life hiker, Aron Ralston), gets pinned by a boulder and has to saw off his arm just below the elbow with the equivalent of a butter knife in order to free himself. (I can’t have spoiled that for you; even those who haven’t seen the movie know that that’s what happens.)

I also read the recent story in the Sunday New York Times Magazine about people who “go noodling” for giant catfish, using their bare arms as bait. As one fisherman said, “Catfish are gonna bite the thunder out of you.”

But back to the giant clams. The giant Tridacna gigas clam lives on the reefs of the Indian and Pacific Oceans and can reach four feet in length and can weigh more than five hundred pounds. Once it settles on the sea floor, the clam never moves, except to open and close its shell. And it does so very slowly. It’s not like one of those spring-loaded bear traps, or even a Venus fly trap.  In order to get trapped, you’d have to move about as fast as the dimwitted guard in this Austin Powers steamroller scene.

Anyway, these bivalves are vegetarians. They consume algae and plankton, and would have no interest in consuming a neoprene-coated human.

Still, I don’t think I could let myself dive into deep, murky water and wave my arm around for a huge catfish to clamp onto it. And I’ve often wondered if I’d have it in me to saw off part of my body in order to save what’s left of it. I just hope I never have to face that dilemma.

Hanky Panky

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Desdemona’s alleged crime–giving away her handkerchief to another man–takes on more significance when you know that the first handkerchiefs arrived in Europe during the 15th century, from China, and were so costly they were often bequeathed in wills.

Zippity-do-Dah!

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The zipper was patented in 1893, which must have been a godsend for those accustomed to button-up boots.

Vampire Moths

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Poor moths. They tend to be seen as poor cousins to butterflies. And when most people think of moths, they conjure up nuisance creatures that chew holes in their sweaters or that don’t have sense enough not to bash into their overhead lights on summer evenings. In fact, there are many beautiful species of moths.

Pennsylvania Department of Conservation and Natural Resources - Forestry Archive, Bugwood.org

This news tidbit won’t do much to enhance moths’ PR, but according to an article in National Geographic, entomologists in Siberia have discovered a previously unknown species of moth that feeds on human blood. The bloodsucker may have evolved from a vegetarian species called Calyptra thalictri.

You can see a picture of this charming-looking creature here.

 

 

Block heads

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Wealthy women in Ancient Rome were so obsessed with their hair that they had portrait busts carved of themselves with detachable stone hairdos that could be replaced as fashions changed.