You Name It

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My mother’s name was Constance. My friend Liz named her daughter Honor. My friend Gina named her daughter Grace. My friend Helena’s middle name is Comfort. I know people named Faith and Hope, and those of us who grew up in the seventies remember Sonny and Cher’s daughter, Chastity. I think these are pretty names. I don’t particularly associate them with religious meaning (OK, well, maybe Chastity is a little much). But the other day, when I was supposed to be working on an assignment, I came upon a book written in 1897 called Curiosities of Puritan Nomenclature. The author, Charles W.E. Bardsley, combed the parish registers and death records from 16th and 17th century England and found some, shall we say, eccentric naming practices, chiefly among the Puritans.
I suppose it’s not all that surprising that people named their kids “Repentance,” “Humiliation,” “Epiphany,” and “Abstinence.” I mean, these are the Puritans. They thought nothing of throwing someone in the stockades for a whole day for the crime of nodding off in church–during a seven-hour sermon.
But it starts to get interesting when Bardsley moves to some of the more eccentric Biblical names. I hope I got the spellings right. Ready?

Barjonah Dove

Tryphena Monger

Mahaliel Payne

Azarias Phesant

Pelatiah Barnard

Aminadab Henley

Shadrack Pride

Gamaliel Chase

Onesiphorus Albin

Eli-lama-Sabachthani Pressnail

Mahershalalhashbaz Christmas

Mahershalalhashbaz Bradford

But wait! There’s more! A Puritannical craze for totally whacked-out names occurred during a fifteen year period ( 1585 to 1600) in certain parishes. People baptized children with names based on scriptural phrases, pious ejaculations, or godly admonitions. Here’s my semi-horrified sampling:

Tribulation Wholesome

Zeal-of-the-land Busy

Safe-on-Highe Hopkinson

Muche-merceye Hellye

Sin-Denie Helly

Sorry-for-Sin Coupard

Praise-God Barebone

Search-the-Scriptures Moreton

The sibling duo that wins the prize would have to be brothers by the names of: “If-Christ-Had-not-died-for-thee-thou-hadst-been-damned Barebone” and “Jesus-Christ-came-into-the-world-to-save Barebone.” It does make you wonder how the parents called their kids in to dinner.

But the “what were they thinking?” prize really has to go to the parents of–are you ready?–

Fly-fornication Richardson.

That poor kid. I wonder if they had roll-call in the Puritan equivalent of middle school.